I feel each one of us is a book/story. We all have read a book at one point or another. Does the cover really tell you the whole story inside....NEVER.
Why do people look at people the same way and make their judgements on our book covers. Some books have been dropped...ripped...even just set down to collect dust.
We need to read some of these pages in a persons book before making a conclusion of each persons own story.
Before when people would look at the cover of my book (my body) and make their judgement on me I would get very angry, upset and sad. Quickly I might add.
Now I have different thoughts. It is their loss that they do not wish to open my book and read the story before making their choice on who I am.
I cannot control anyone else's thoughts, feelings or actions but my own.
Society makes it very hard for anyone facing weight issues to fully feel accepted at all times. Many people not just obese people get put down due to society today.
Take me for example....I am so scared to be seen in public that I have missed many events I would usually attend. This summer alone I missed an engagement party, baby shower, housewarming party and MULTIPLE offers to hang out with my friends outside of my apartment.
I fear those people who just toss my book aside, make very mean comments about my book cover. Those are the people I cannot be around. They do not know me, they have no clue how it feels to be in this 399 pound body. They call me things like lazy, worthless and gross.
I am much more than ANY of that. I am amazing. It took sometime to really be able to say that but it really is true.
Food has always been happiness in my eyes.
I sometimes wonder had I been made fun of/bullied in school about my weight if that would have made me change sooner. We cant find that out. Those years are gone. We also cant go back and re-raise me and show me the correct eating habits to have. I have pictures girls dream about having 11th grade I recieved Prom Stardust Sweetie and Senior year I was Basketball Homecoming Queen. I was shocked when I won but when the whole gym burst into cheers and screams my smile was unstoppable.
Sometimes it takes one person to really not give up on you for you to realize that you are worth it. Sometimes that person is a stranger. I've had many people who I have pushed away in my life and many people have also left on their own.
The mirror becomes easier to look into once you realized why you were hating the reflection for so long.
I am taking the necessary steps to get better. I have a doctors appointment lined up and it will be the first time seeing a doctor in almost 10 years....I want to make sure my body is able to do this. That appointment is December 4th which does seem so far away I know it will be here before I know it and I cant wait to finally be able to start my real Adventure to ONEderland.
