Time to win this fight!!! Onederland here I come! I want to be 199 but Dec 31 it will happen :)

My mind is my own worst enemy, yet I have to live with and love her everyday. I dream of doing better, of being better... But the fuel for that is inside me and when that flame burns out. Well you stop. You have to decide, pick, choose....often you have 50% chance of picking right. Last year I couldn't fit in a bathtub I was so large. Embarrassing doesn't even describe the shame I felt knowing that. I want to be beautiful inside and out. I want to love my body.  That's hard considering what I see in the mirror. My scars remind me that the past is real. Stretch marks and extra skin aren't very attractive especially when I can't even say I've carried a baby. I have to start working out again and eating right. I know what this road leads to and I can't be her anymore. Smile, joy, happiness that's what I want to feel and enjoy. I have so much love to give! One step one choice at a time. I know the best is yet to come. :)