Why

Why can't I get into the right mind set to do this.
Why am I so scared what MIGHT happen if I get to goal.
Why do I care so much about wanting to become skinny.
Why...why....why.

I really don't know why I can't do this as before in 138 days I lost 100 pounds! 100 POUNDS! REALLY????!!!???

What made me start before? Why can't I seem to get there again. The scale showed me a number that actually scared me today. I am the heaviest I have been in my life. Why?

I wish there was a magic pill to make it go away. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate my body.

Some days I wish food wasnt required to live.

Skinny people dont understand they can't figure out why I can't eat right or exercise they find me disgusting and gross knowing I did this all to myself. I hate how right they are...I did this. Noone but me. I choose every item that goes into my mouth. sigh.

I will never win. I am fighting a losing battle from the beginning....I am my own worst enemy and I have to live with her everyday. How can I change my mind from being so self hating?

I want a new brain. period. one from a 120 pound model.