My heart hurts...

Emotionally I would call myself broken....people are shocked when they find out I have never had a boyfriend....now I assume this is because they are my "friends" and just are being nice and think thats the reaction I want...I hear the youll find someone believe me blah blah blah blah oh and blah! This is usually after they are done talking about their husband or wife or girlfriend or boyfriend....thanks guys...see while you all do fun stuff and have someone to talk to and hang out with and love I have food. Don't get me wrong I have amazing family and friends but sometimes it just isnt enough....The only guys who ive "been" with have had girlfriends...(save the speech if you just got mad at me...believe me ive heard it enough) This is WONDERFUL for my mental state of mind knowing that a guy wants to be with me in the bedroom but im not good enough to be on his arm in public...yeah awesome news there. They never understand why I can't handle it while I get attached to their cuddling with me after an activity....but I should realize I am the only sleeping alone at night while they are safe and sound next to their girl. The chip on my shoulder gets deeper and deeper with every passing day everyone always blames the other girl they are so pissed at her when their boyfriend is the one who started contact with me? really? youre mad at me because your boyfriend is sneaking around on you....hmmm good one. They never leave them...I wait for the phone call or text to see him again to feel loved for however long he stays...the sad part is I love myself for a day after those nights where he "works late" then its over for sometimes weeks and I am not supposed to text or call him...no then his girlfriend would be suspicious right? I am worthless...how do people do it. I feel sorry for her...then pissed off because she gets him she gets to have him whenever she wants I have to wait around for him to get bored. I tell them they could cheat on me I tell him to just leave her I will give him everything he wants and he can even cheat on me I wont care...but thats not what they want they dont want someone ok with cheating he just loves doing it...he doesnt care about her but shes safe she doesnt know and she stays he gets her everynight if he was single he wouldnt have a sure thing....ugh pisses me off...I want to not deal with the world....Sometimes I wish I could work from home...I dont want to see the public anymore I just want to become a hermit see my family once in awhile...heartbroken for now.