Slip up

Well last night was going well. Or so I thought. I ended up talking myself into it being ok for me to go to BK last night...bad mistake but it happens once the money was spent and I was back at my apartment it was free game...double cheeseburger meal large with a diet coke 10 piece nugget medium onion ring...now while some people read this and think holy cow that is a lot of food...that was actually a small "binge" for me. Had this happened 2 week ago it would have been a tbell (2 tacos, cheesy fiesta potatoes) Arbys (roast beef sandwich, large curly fry, small moz sticks) and mcdonalds (10 nugget meal large with a diet coke or sweet tea) yes I would eat all of this....sometimes I would throw in a jr bacon cheeseburger as well....all in the same meal. Not many people know this about me...ok I think maybe 3 people know but never say anything because honestly if they told me to stop I would probably go get more food. I dont know what it is about sitting in my car hating myself and shoveling food into my mouth that makes me feel better for 15 seconds but it does. I feel like food is the only thing that has been there for me when im lonely its there it never says no it is always ready to make me feel better for that time that im down....but really its a snowball effect because i regret the eating after its all gone and the bags are left behind staring me in the face like you really just ate all that you pig....ugh. Then I make a choice...go throw up or deal with it and the 3 pounds it might put on my already huge belly...the lazy girl in me usually picks the deal with it game....but sometimes the fighter in me goes and shoves her finger down my throat making it all come back up. I just want happiness and it is always just out of my grasp. See when you are as big as I am the 200 pounds I would like to lose in these 35 weeks seem like the great wall of China...how am I ever going to get across...but maybe if  I would just stop complaining about all the reasons why I shouldn't try to cross it I could have started and maybe been over halfway by now....One Step At A Time....